life, love, and maybe babies

Friday, July 1, 2016

you poke the mama bear, you get your arm ripped off

NEWSFLASH: I am not a perfect person. I make mistakes, I goof up, and I admit when I do.

However, I will not be bullied. Ever.

A few weeks ago I wrote this blog post about the mom whose son got into the gorilla enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo. I defended her as a mom myself, who often worries that I might look away for just a moment and see my child harmed. I also defended her as an empathetic person, not just as a parent. I chose to believe she was a good mom, who had a strange twist of fate befall her and her family. 

From the 1200 words that I wrote, I have recently been called out for like, 28 of them. In the original blog post, I said:

"For those that aren't parents, let me just inform you. Kids are smart. as. hell. They know when a parent is distracted and they take full advantage. Can we offer a little kindness to this mom whose son is laying in a hospital bed and whom she had to watch be dragged by a 400-pound (innocent yes, but still 400-pound) gorilla? Can we have some compassion, for f*ck's sake?"

Several weeks have gone by since this blog, and last night I was surprised to find a comment on the post from a fellow infertile Twitter friend that read:

" 'For those of you who aren't parents'. What are those of us who aren't parents, fucking retards? Of course the Mommy Mafia came to that woman's defense because parents today are never accountable for anything."


First of all - I'm reasonable. I write a public blog and spoke about a controversial subject. Surely there are going to be differences in opinion. However, this comment was uncalled for. To come in guns hot and use the phrase "fucking retards" is NOT okay. It is childish and belittling and demeaning to a group of (amazing) people who aren't here to defend themselves against your BS. Already you're not okay in my book if you are using phrases like this to make a point.

Secondly, my Dad always used to say, "engage your brain before you engage your mouth." This person would have been wise to heed that advise. If you want to comment on an opinion you disagree with, do it like an adult. Because guess what? On some level, the comment was correct. In hindsight, I should have worded that portion of my blog better. 

What I actually meant to say was that people who don't spend a lot of time with children may not realize how just crafty they can be. I shouldn't have said "those that aren't parents", because that's inaccurate. There are many people, parents or not, who don't realize how quick and crafty kids can be. (I used to be one of them.) But instead of making a point, the comment made this person look like a douche noodle.

But it didn't end there. 

In a maddening tornado of verbal diarrhea, this person then accused me of ignoring the infertility and childless community since having my son.  


Let's just break that down:

Unless you are monitoring my activity on Twitter (which is freaking scary), how can you possibly know who I am interacting with and who I am ignoring? Right, you can't.

Also, this is Twitter. I have a living, breathing, active life in the infertility community in the real world. I have friends struggling with infertility, all of whom I would drop anything for if it meant making them feel supported. I have offered my eggs to friends who cannot have children. I have offered my support to anyone and everyone I come in contact with. You, sir, have no right to judge my activity level in the infertility community. 

How dare you.

I love all my infertile friends on Twitter. I love my infertile friends who have become mothers and fathers that I've met on Twitter. I even love hot heads who  get brave behind a keyboard that are on Twitter.

That's right, I still love you. You clearly know not what you do. You are hurting and you are sad and you are angry, and you are lashing out. I forgive you.

To wrap up, my blog is not always going to be about infertility. I've made that clear by blogging about everything from ex boyfriends who give terrible gifts to gorillas. So, if you're coming to my blog expecting every post to pertain directly to you, you are in the wrong place. If you are looking for support specific to those that are not able to have children, there are places where you can get that. I am not obligated to provide it for you.

I am still going to proudly post pictures of my child. I am still going to post about the struggles I faced when I was infertile. I am going to post about the times I still wake up, covered in sweat, terrified that my child isn't real. That he is still just a wish and a dream and a "maybe someday". This blog is not about you. 

I am hear to offer my support to anyone who needs it. You can email me, comment on my blog, or reach out to me on Twitter and Facebook. I am here for you. I just can't be here for you in a way that you choose and dictate. Because that's like, communism. 

XO to all of you, fertile or not. 

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